The Grievances of a Pessimistic Cynic
For those who know me, know I'm a fairly negative, glass half-empty person. I can find fault in pretty damn near everything. Those who don't, surprise! My negativity was starting to affect my relationships, who really wants to hear someone complain about Wal-Mart for the fortieth time this week. So I figured where better to gripe than to everyone and no one. Enjoy.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
American Idol, and Ryan Seacrest, need to just go away.
This glorified karaoke competition has more than worn it welcome about 6 years ago. The judges that made the show have already jumped ship and when is the last time a "winner" actually seemed to matter the next day? Idol's only produced two stars, and Clay Aiken who seems to have disappeared himself.
What do people see in Ryan Seacrest? That goblin has got to be one of the ugliest men I've ever seen, but he's everywhere. T.V., radio, awards, New Year's Eve. He is one of the most inappropriate interviewers. He actually asked a pregnant actress if she planned to breastfeed. None of your frigging business, dick!
J Lo, you seem to be right at home. But Steven Tyler. Why? What happened? Talk about the death of Rock & Roll. Did you think your career was over? Are you not a Hall of Famer? American Idol, really? This is the direction you choose to go. I just cannot comprehend what was going on in that drug rattled mind when you said yes. And for the love of my sanity could you stop leering at the girls like a creepy old man or making inappropriate and often unintelligible remarks at them. Please. Dude you're what, like 80? In the words of Billy Bush "It's gross".
Friday, April 1, 2011
Spongebob Squarepants & the Physical Impossibilities of Bikini Bottom
So Sandy Cheeks needs oxygen to live underwater, but the Krusty Krab does not? Spongebob is an underwater fry cook, yet he's able to use fire. And why is it that he can happily live underwater, but if he takes a bath he'll bloat out from the bath water? Or, for that matter, how is there an underwater beach? They're in the damn water!! Besides, if someone wants to swim in Bikini Bottom, can't they just swim where they stand, or not stand, they're fish, yet nobody ever swims. Not to mention that Mr. Krabs' daughter is a whale!
Now for all the problems I have with Spongebob's underwater impossibilities, I have no problem with the Death Star exploding in the vacuum of space. There's no oxygen there either, but when the Death Star erupts into a giant fire ring, I cheer. Now, if by some change that is possible, my bad, I'm an unemployed parent who watches to much Nickelodeon not a astrophysicist, or a marine biologist.
Now for all the problems I have with Spongebob's underwater impossibilities, I have no problem with the Death Star exploding in the vacuum of space. There's no oxygen there either, but when the Death Star erupts into a giant fire ring, I cheer. Now, if by some change that is possible, my bad, I'm an unemployed parent who watches to much Nickelodeon not a astrophysicist, or a marine biologist.
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